Where does one apply for this job?

Could you put a handle on them?

It can be tough for FBI man who nicknames bank robbers

Along with 2008's near-record number of local bank robberies—276 at current count, and delayed reports could still bring the total close to 2006's tally of 284—arose an unusual problem: coming up with all those nicknames.With so many robberies to sort through, christening each serial robber—those wanted for at least 3 heists—with a unique and memorable name was more of a challenge than usual, said Chicago FBI spokesman Ross Rice, who assigns the names."It's actually one of the more trying parts of the job," Rice said.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-talk-robbersjan05,0,6136633.story

I want this job. I’d give every criminal an insulting nickname to piss them off and/or make their prison terms hell. Forget “The Cadillac Bandit;” that gives them an upper-class air. In fact, don’t use ‘bandit’ at all so as to avoid even casual equating with Smokey & the.

And if I ever drew a blank, I’d get inspiration from MST3K: