Something smells…stupid.

PETA is in the news again today with their latest media whoring campaign – to rename fish to “sea kittens.” As they state on their site: "When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover."

I think someone might have their etymology just a tad backwards. I would imagine the name for the animal came before the name for the activity of catching them for consumption and/or sport.

Japan has the largest annual per capita consumption of seafood of any nation – 145.7 lbs – more than three times that of the US. China is second with 56 lbs. The World Health Organization reports that seafood is an important staple for most developing Asian nations. Of course, none of that matters.

I'll give PETA a small slice of credit, and assume they know there’s not a snowball’s chance of this ever happening. I mean, look at the impact it would have on the language:

Come with me, and I will make you sea kitteners of men.
He was sea kittening for his car keys in his coat pockets.
Searching for Bobby Sea Kittener.
He had a handshake like a dead sea kitten.
We had to sea kitten the mast after that last storm nearly wrecked the ship.
She’s just sea kittening for compliments.
He drank like a sea kitten.
You gonna sea kitten or cut bait?
He was a wallflower; a perpetual underdog. Always the sea kitten out of water.
I’ve got other sea kittens to fry.

That’s not even considering the critters that have the word fish in their name. Goldseakitten? Lungseakitten? Catseakitten?

And what about freshwater fish? You can’t logically call them sea kittens. Of course, when has PETA ever been concerned with logic?

On the other hand, no one would be able to post that fallacious 'Ghoti' is pronounced 'fish' crap ever again.

This whole thing is an extension of their campaign to convince sportsmen (who don’t care), scientists (who know better), and seafood eaters (who don’t care) that fish feel pain. Never mind that their nervous systems are not developed enough, or that their brains are not large enough – PETA knows best. (You can read that sentence however you wish; it works both ways.)

Now for the lightning round:

Question 1: Which culture eats the most seafood, Eastern or Western?

Question 2: What culture is least likely to be put off by changing the name to evoke images of cat meat, Eastern or Western?

Question 3: Which culture does PETA target in their protests, Eastern or Western?

Question 4: What word best describes PETA, irrelevant or immaterial?

It’s as easy as shooting sea kittens in a barrel.