Sing those songs that offend the censors

I was listening to the All Request show on our local oldies station while I cleaned up the kitchen tonight. The station has a broad format, playing anything from the 50s to the early 80s, so it’s entirely possible to hear The Four Tops followed by Cream followed by ABBA followed by Mr. Mister.

At one point, “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits came on. I was mildly annoyed that they trimmed off the overture until Sting’s final, drawn-out “I want my MTV” right before the drums kick in. I was really annoyed that someone had elected to excise the entire second verse, presumably because it contains the word “faggot.”

I’ve had gay people explain to me that they felt threatened by the “tyranny of the majority,” which I feel is an excellent, valid point. Mob rule, as a rule, is not big on logic and nuance. But does that mean we should immediately capitulate to the tyranny of the minority? No it does not. Demanding that everyone else conform to your particular worldview is the mark of an asshole, regardless of whether you’re in the majority or the minority.

When the song was released, there was also some minor controversy over the line “Bangin’ on the bongos like a chimpanzee.” I suppose the infinite number of monkeys managed to put together a protest letter before finishing up that draft of “The Tempest,” and I’m sure a bunch of gals objected to the line in the chorus “Get your chicks for free,” too.

Jesú Criste, people…lighten. the. fuck. up. It’s a damn song. The whole thing is told from the perspective of a blue-collar worker who’s envious of the apparent easy lifestyle of rock stars. Mark Knopfler actually wrote it in a hardware/custom kitchen store, and the lyrics are direct quotes from the staff, who were watching MTV at the time. And really, do you honestly think that someone will change their entire outlook on certain sections of humanity because of a catchy backbeat and a nifty guitar hook? People either already agree with the sentiments, or accept it as just another tune to drum along with on the steering wheel and won’t let it affect how they treat other people.

This whole damn country has lost its perspective. No one seems to have any kind of gradations in their feelings anymore. Notice how I reacted to the editing of the song up there at the top? I was annoyed. Not raging, not inconsolable, certainly not offended. Annoyed. I didn’t fire off a letter to the editor, didn’t call the station and threaten a boycott of their advertisers because they were denying me my “right” to enjoy the entire song, and didn’t start an action group and apply for Federal funding. I didn’t even change the station. I just shook my head and wondered when we became such thin-skinned wusses that we feel threatened by a fucking song lyric.

I blame the S.L.A. The Simian Lesbian Association. You know…the chimp chick faggots.