I Showered for This? – OR – How About No – OR – Three Strikes and I’m Out of Here

I drove over to a neighboring county today in response to a job opening they had advertised in our local fishwrap. The receptionist asked me my business, and I told her I was there to apply, handing her my résumé as I did so. She rummaged in her desk drawer, and handed me a sheet of paper in return. “Okay…you’ll need to fill out this application.” Trying to be helpful, I pointed out that all of the information they were asking for was covered in the document I’d just given her. “Well he likes it a certain way, and this is the way.” Strike one.

She directed me to an empty desk in the front office. I nodded to the woman at the desk behind it, and began filling out the badly-copied application form, thinking that the whole point of a résumé was to 1. Be professional. And 2. Avoid the duplication of effort with bullshit mimeographs. Strike two.

As I was working on it, the boss came in. He looked like the Amazing Randi, but while everyone else was dressed in Business Casual, he was dressed in Miami Casual, with jeans, a bright flowered shirt full of non-natural colors, and thick gold rope bracelets. Yes, there are perks in being the boss, but honestly? Gold rope bracelets? Not a strike, but definitely a foul.

So I finished copying the information on my résumé onto the apparent fifth-generation copy of the application (really, it was spotted, crooked, and blurry – just awful), and took it back to the receptionist. “Here you go,” I chirped, trying to keep a happy face. She starts to file them away. “Thank you,” she said. “We’ve already filled the position (nodding towards the woman I’d sat in front of), but we’ll keep this on file. Strike three.

You just wasted my time, my gas, and my effort by having me fill out an application for a job you’ve already filled? And you let me do it in front of the woman you hired for it? What kind of fucking psychological games are you playing, here? Yeah… you keep that on file, chickie. But when you call me, my first question is going to be whether you’re playing more silly-ass games, or if you’ve decided to run your office in a professional manner.