For those of you playing along at home…

Number of deaths in peanut salmonella case: 9
Number of deaths in Michael Phelps pot case: 0

Number of arrests in peanut salmonella case: 0
Number of arrests in Michael Phelps pot case: 8

I’m glad we’ve got our priorities straight.

For further consideration:

Number of Olympic Gold Medals salmonella-infected corpses have won: 0
Number of Olympic Gold Medals Michael Phelps has won: 14

Yet this is the media portrayal:

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