Autonomous Collectives

The whole Gay Marriage thing has erupted in our county, and I’ve enjoyed reading the stories and comment threads at the local newspaper sites. One thing that struck me in reading these stories is the awkwardness in sentences like “a group of local gays as well as an out-of-town group of lesbians met to voice their opposition to the bill, whereas a group of religious leaders and various members of the religious community turned out in support.”

Tortuous (and torturous) phrasing like that could be obviated by some choice collective nouns. Surprisingly, there aren’t any; so I made my own.

“A local lisp of gays partnered with a flannel of lesbians to oppose the bill, which has the support of a thump of Evangelicals and a pulpit of religious leaders.”

And because I am not totally without mirrors here:

“Proceedings were documented by a bias of bigots using a cliché of stereotypes.”