Current Mood: Stabby – OR – The Chippendales Go to War – OR – I’m in ur Phalanx, Killin’ ur Persians

Finally got around to seeing 300, and OMG, how gorgeous is this movie? The lighting, colors, and cinematography were just amazing. The director did a great job in capturing Frank Miller’s artistic style, and the cast was superb.

The structure of the storyline was extremely well-done, with the same narrator bracketing the three key arcs. This is something I think a lot of people missed, especially the idiots in Iran that bitched about it being mere propaganda. The story is told from the point of view of the Spartans, so naturally they would exaggerate the attributes of their enemy. That’s been the prerogative of soldiers ever since the first rock-throwing incident in Olduvai Gorge. Plus, when President Ahmadinnerjacket leaves his Holocaust-denial conference to opine about propaganda, he kind of loses some credibility, you know?

I’m a fan of grotesqueries, so I particularly enjoyed the Persian characters of the giant and the executioner. Mrs. Cat doesn’t get into the freaks as much, but I did have to wipe up the drool during the slow-motion battle scenes. She’s a huge proponent of righteous ass-kickings, so chiseled men in leather loincloths taking a principled stand and dispensing damage with sword and spear pushes her buttons. There are only two prominent female characters in the show, but they’re both beautiful women, so there’s something for the het crowd to ogle, too. I’ve heard the term “warnography” applied to this movie, and that’s a great term. I didn’t read the article, so I don’t know if the author was disparaging the focus on physiques, or the “glorification of war,” but it’s still a cool label. It wasn’t nearly as violent as I expected, and the various blood splatters and decapitations were shot so stylistically, you can’t really say they were graphic. There were worse depictions in Saw and Hostel. Their very realism makes them harder to watch.

I personally don’t see anything wrong with the glorification of war, but within limits. War just for war’s sake is a path to tyranny. Getting satisfaction from your military prowess, and being able to finish whatever fight gets started is a matter of national pride. Call it arrogance if you want, but when the shit hits the fan, you want people that excel in wholesale slaughter fighting for you, rather than against you. That was Sparta’s raison d’être, and it’s one reason we still know the story of the 300 today. Yes, the story was simplified, but it’s a movie based on a comic book, not a historical recreation. People that attack the movie on those grounds are missing the point. PETA may as well complain about the way the digital rhinoceros was treated (and I’m confident that some of those losers have).

I’m going to add Troy and Alexander to my Netflix queue to see why those movies tanked, and 300 and Gladiator did so well.

If you haven’t seen 300 yet, try and catch it on the “big screen.” It’ll lose too much impact on a television screen. One tip: pee first. You won’t want to miss anything.