The Time to Act is Now!

There is no more important cause than the call to action to save our planet. This is a movement about change, as individuals, as a country, and as a global community. We are all contributors to this phenomenon, and we all need to be part of the solution. Join our supporters, and become part of the movement to demand our leaders freeze and reduce Continental Drift now.

If you’re not already convinced that Continental Drift is an issue that you need to care about, consider this:

200 million years ago, all land area on the planet was concentrated into one massive continent called Pangaea, surrounded by a pristine ocean named Panthalassa. There was no hunger, no want, no human rights violations, no domestic violence, no hate crimes, no pollution, no animal cruelty. No wars were fought by greedy and oppressive governments. Hypocrisy, spin, and junk science didn’t exist.

Over the next 190 million years, this Edenic land slowly broke apart into individual continents, eventually assuming their current positions, with all their concomitant problems and strife. Our selfish short-sightedness has generally assumed that these are stationary positions, but Continental Drift is still ongoing today.

100% of the scientific community agrees, Continental Drift is a fact. Even those whose disciplines and specialties have nothing to do with geophysical forces, and wouldn’t know a karst characterization if it bit them on the ass, eagerly parrot the party line, if only to preserve their grant funding. I’d remove this part before posting. Editor

If the opinions of people with letters after their names don’t sway you, take a look at the following illustrations. They are every bit as convincing as cherry-picked data displayed on graphs engineered to exacerbate y-axis disparity.

Let’s look at that last image a little more closely:



As you can see, if Continental Drift were to be allowed to continue, the Westernmost tip of Alaska will crash into the Easternmost edge of Russia. The momentum of the collision will push the prevailing mass of the continental plate around in a clockwise fashion, until Mexico meets China. You think the US has a problem keeping a lousy 20 million Mexicans out of their country, wait until they have to try and stop a billion Chinese. Japan will end up being a suburb of Los Angeles, and North Korea will be close enough to North America that even its crappy little missiles will constitute a threat.

Canada will find itself in a temperate zone once again, and will sue for the return of their topsoil, crashing the US agricultural industry and judicial system at the same time.

Cambodia will see its economy explode as it imports drugs from Colombia and whores from Thailand. Shortly after, it will be obliterated by armed pimps from Las Vegas, who don’t like competition.

Australia will be scooped up by the lacrosse-stick pocket that is Argentina, and lateraled up to be wedged between Peru and Madagascar, impaled by India’s southern tip. Kangaroos will be integrated into the Hindu system, and koala bears will migrate into Brazil, destroying the coffee crops.

These are just a random sampling of the catastrophic effects that will occur if we continue to ignore this problem.

Simple steps you can take to help:

Change your driving habits
If you are traveling West on the North or South American continents, take great care not to brake too hard; this adds momentum to Drift. Similarly, those traveling East should drive faster and brake harder, offsetting the Western thrust. Opposite directions apply to those traveling across Eurasia.

Lose Weight
The classic formula P=mv means that momentum (P) is a function of mass (m) times velocity (v). Every pound you lose dramatically decreases the total momentum of Drift.

Purchase Drift Offsets
If you are unable (or unwilling) to significantly decrease your own personal consumption, you need not feel guilty. For a small fee, you can arrange for an equivalent mass of biomatter to be destroyed. It may be one old-growth tree in the rainforest, or several children starving to death in Africa, but however it works out, you can sleep soundly, knowing that you did your part, and are safe from charges of being hypocritical.

Blame America
Despite not having the largest population, or land area, or natural resources, America still has the most money of any other country in the world. Saving the planet isn’t going to be cheap, and by blaming America, you can use the resulting guilt as a lever into its collective checkbook. Insisting that America take the lead in crippling its economy to try and fix a naturally-occurring process, while not producing any measurable effect on the nominative issue, will at least take it down a few pegs, and be good for some laughs.