Just Wondering

If Global Warming is caused by Man, why are the icecaps on Mars melting?

If a gay man is looking for a male partner, why do so many of them choose men that act like women? The same gender-equivalent question for the lesbians.

If “The People” in the First Amendment means The People; “the People” in the Fourth Amendment means The People; “the People” in the Ninth Amendment means The People; and “the People” in the Tenth Amendment means The People, why is there so much confusion over the term “the People” in the Second Amendment?

With so much confusion over how far various governments should go in offering reparations for slavery, how about we just allow any former slave to demand as much as they want from their former owner?

If PETA wants to stop animal testing, why don’t they volunteer to replace the rats? It would make the drug trials much shorter, thereby reducing the final costs. I realize that by doing so, they wouldn’t have time to kill as many animals as they have in the past, but that’s the price of progress.

Since there’s enough land area in Texas to build 4,867,828,838 1,500-square-foot houses, and only 6,585,456,116 people in the world, what’s all this I hear about overpopulation? Less than half of those houses would have two people in them.

Does my distant relation to the Kennedy clan entitle me to get away with one murder? Or do I have to marry the Austrian?

Word on the street is that Mitt Romney is considering Jeb Bush as his running mate. With Liberals being rabidly allergic to the Bush family, and Conservatives tired of being lied to by them, Mitt has foregone his foot, and is shooting directly into his skull. Does he not know that such a pairing would guarantee a Democratic victory in 08?

Word on the street is that Al Gore is considering a third-party candidacy in the Green party. This is the same party that drained his votes in 2000, remember. Does Gore hate the Clintons enough to go through with it, or is he courting the Democratic primary? Does he not know that by joining the Greens, he would guarantee a Republican victory in 08?

There is a lot of concern lately over the aggressive and nihilistic tendencies of Internet users, particularly in cases of death threats towards political bloggers. The anonymity inherent in the ‘net allows people to forego the societal conventions of decorum and propriety, and basically exposes humanity for the assholes they really are. When did people become so thin-skinned that they are driven to threaten bodily harm to someone that disagrees with them?

With the fact that Bush can’t whisper in an ear without the entire conversation ending up on the front page of the New York Times, can anybody really believe that his administration could secretly carry out any of the conspiracies that are laid at his feet?

Speaking of conspiracies, blowing up the levees during hurricane Katrina was only the first stage of the plan to destroy New Orleans. Was getting Ray Nagin reelected the final stage, or can we expect something else?

New York City is going ahead with a plan to give cash incentives to the poor for good school attendance and other metrics. I guess the $1 trillion we’ve already spent on the War on Poverty just hasn’t been enough. I get cash incentives for good attendance, too. At my job. This program is based on a similar program in Mexico. Is that the economy we really want to be modeling?

The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network wants my contribution to support the Day of Silence. How much to purchase a year’s worth? The Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name has become the Love that Won’t Stop Yammering at Us.