Just Wondering

Why is it that when people start decrying “gas-guzzlers,” they always pick on the soccer moms in the huge SUVs or the questionably-endowed Hummer drivers? No one ever brings up the Greyhound bus-sized RVs that usually only have a single retired couple in them. Those things get worse gas mileage than a Navigator in Neutral with a brick on the accelerator.

There’s a sign outside my local pharmacy that promises prescriptions “while you wait.” As opposed to what? Your shoving the pills down my throat when I walk in? The whole “while you wait” thing no longer has relevance. Back when you’d order goods and have to wait for the next trans-Atlantic shipment to bring them, being able to tailor a suit (for example) within an hour made it a good marketing hook. Today, however, we expect that you already have the stuff in stock and our waiting will be minimal, so advertising it is redundant.

If I vote for the Republicans this November, I’m being racist, but if I vote for the Democrats, I’m being sexist. This is what happens when your whole deck is nothing but Victim cards. Now what?

If you find an S&M magazine in your child’s room, would a spanking deter or encourage them?

The legal profession is frustrated by the fact that today’s juries expect “Law & Order” type trials. Maybe they should stop with the bullshit torts like tobacco settlements and McDonald’s coffee injuries, or at least send the lawyers to a couple of Drama classes. Would that help?

Will the next reality show go meta, and follow a group of reality show watchers?

I read a quote from a member of the American Association of Advertising Agencies saying the profession needed better exposure than just “Mad Men.” You mean swamping us with more advertising per minute than any other country isn’t enough? Putting ads in elevators, on grocery store conveyor belts, in one-fifth of every television hour, on urinal screens, on taxis and buses, on billboards, on recorded hold messages, in magazines, in movies, on the radio, in the newspaper, in sports stadiums, by third-class direct mail, in comic books, in text messages, in pop-up ads, in e-mail spam, in the doctor’s office, and in point-of-sale displays isn’t getting you noticed? Or do you mean better exposure, meaning that 99% of your efforts are either crap that we forget immediately, or are so disingenuous that you’re placed in the Used Car Salesman category, and you want an improved image? Who is the burden on, here? (Hint: Not us.)