Head of the Class

So I see where the collective intelligence of teenagers was raised slightly yesterday. Seems a budding young genius went head to head with the Batman coaster at Six Flags over Georgia and came out a head shorter.

Naturally, the media is playing up the sensationalist aspect of this story – Teen Decapitated by Thrill Ride – and is generally ignoring the responsibility angle. It wasn’t until today that I saw any account that mentioned the fact that the boy had to climb TWO separate six-foot fences emblazoned with warning signs in order to get under the tracks.

Two.

Once under the tracks, he jumped up to try and touch the feet of the riders passing by, thereby learning that Mr. Darwin often employs Mr. Newton.

I hear the ticking of the countdown until this kid’s parents show up with some bottom-feeder attorney to try and sue the park for negligence. They’ll claim that SFoG didn’t do enough to prevent this, and they had to have a closed-caskets funeral as a result.

Did I mention there were two fences?

It would be nice if the parents released a statement admitting that their son was a moron in general, and this doesn’t really come as a surprise; I won’t wait underwater, though. It’s obviously tough to lose a child, but to lose a child in such a spectacularly tragic manner, where it’s obvious that it was entirely his fault, has got to be even tougher. You can’t really expect a whole lot of sympathy in that case.

I’m annoyed by the constant use of the word “accident” to describe this event. An accident is defined as:

1.
an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap: automobile accidents.

2.
Law. such a happening resulting in injury that is in no way the fault of the injured person for which compensation or indemnity is legally sought.

3.
any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause.

See that? “Unintentionally”; “no way the fault of”; “without a deliberate cause”.

He climbed two six-foot fences and jumped up between the tracks as the cars passed overhead. Case dismissed.

You know who I feel bad for? The folks in line. They paid their forty dollars, stood in line patiently in the hot Georgia sun, and didn’t even get the chance to ride because of this idiot. And what about the folks in the car that removed him from the gene pool? Deep psychological scarring, there. Or at the very least, a dry-cleaning bill.

I wonder if Six Flags is enjoying the media attention. Last year about this time they were in the spotlight because one of their rides cut off the feet of a little girl. At least this one wasn’t their fault. A small consolation, anyway.

A thought just occurred to me: What if this is some Marketing ploy by Warner Brothers to promote The Dark Knight? Would that be really clever, or really repulsive?

Should I be concerned that I have to ask that question?